The saving I need – a poem

I used to cry out to you
For you
With fervour and volume
Not ceasing to bid
For divine intervention
Asking you to come
Like a rider of clouds
Like Deus Ex Machina
Like a warrior king

I’d petition you
To deliver me
And save me
From my suffering
From my lack
From my angst
And you did
You did
Till you didn’t

It’s like you stopped
Stopped allowing
Me to see you that way
Far away
Worlds away
Pushed away
So you delivered me
You saved me

Saved me from the lie
That you were distant
That you could leave me
Forsake me
Go against your word
Your nature
And be anywhere other
Than with me
Be anyone other
Than Immanuel

So I quit working
Quit striving
Allowing myself to rest
I took a break
From burnt offerings
Burning myself
Beating myself
And started loving myself
Like you do
I started learning
What it meant to be me
With you by my side
And it was great
Really great
Till it wasn’t
And I needed saving again

You see
To know you are with me
Is a truth
And a joy
But a by-my-side
Best-friend-saviour
Way of knowing you
Still has me separate
Separate from union
Separate from oneness
Separate from discovering
My place in the divine dance
Which is where
You brought me
Eternally
Which is crazy
Which changes everything
But I’m learning
Slowly learning
That the truth of my being
My very being
Is you
You

“The saving I need.”
by David Tensen

1 Comment

  1. Janis July 2, 2020 at 2:45 pm

    Thank you so very much for these words. Because this is where I am right now – feeling lost and apart after a season of feeling so close to God during a difficult time. Why is it happening now, and how can I get back? Your words have soothed somewhat (as much as possible right now) my aching heart and spirit.

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