Last week I put out a call out on Instagram that if anyone had a story they’d like turned into poetry, I’d try write one. A good number of stories came through. Most of them were from people looking for words to wrap around loss and disappointment. It should be no wonder why nearly one third of the bible is poetry. This is where it shines. Language of the heart.
Someone in the states reached out, explaining: “I was a pastor when I nearly died by suicide. I thought jumping through the correct social and theological hoops would fix me. But it only left me more exhausted. Shame was my attempted murderer. But love raised me from death.”.
The following is what I wrote, it the fifth poem published on Instagram in this series which includes topics around autism, foster parenting and abortion. Find more here if you like: https://www.instagram.com/david_tensen/. (Some are also on Facebook.)
And the sheep had no idea
their shepherd had leant over life’s edge
and was staring into the relief
death was offering.
When hope and strength leave you
and the weight of a flock
rests upon your shoulders
you are forgiven
for considering
an ‘out’ like this.
“Why does he not just trust God?”
the sheep murmured.
Which was ironic,
seeing they expected
so much from their shepherd.
“If he is gone, how will we be fed and led?”
they continued.
Which was ironic
seeing they confessed
the Lord was their shepherd.
And on that ledge
out of earshot from the sheep
the shepherd heard the voice
he’d been longing
to be strengthened by.
“Don’t jump.
Just fall
into me
and new way
of being.”
Needless to say,
the sheep were shocked
when things changed.
But they grew anyway.
Finding green pastures on their own.
And the shepherd learned
to breathe again
to enjoy the meadow
and walk lockstep
with his friend and lover
the Shepherd King.
“For the pastor who nearly died by suicide”
David Tensen ‘21
find this on my blog too
I have written many times on the weight and pressure most pastors live under. I have walked with many of them over the years through dark and dangerous seasons. I’m going to keep advocating for the need for pastors to get regular, monitored and mandatory mental health assistance with trained therapists – not just for their own sake, but for the people they lead too.